We’ve all been there - wept hot tears over the loss of something vital to us – a loved one, a pet, our youth, or even some integral part of ourselves, like our teeth. Sure, you tell yourself, it’s just a back molar, no-one can see it – you can chew on the other side. But what if it’s more than that? What if it’s several teeth, or even all your teeth? What then? Will you even recognise yourself? Oh, of course you know lots of people wear ‘false teeth’ or dentures. But that’s other people – right? Not you! So why is it such a shock when you learn you are about to be among ‘other people’? Funny how it suddenly becomes a big deal when you’re at the business end of tooth loss. Consider this your permission slip to grieve – and your guide to coming out the other side.
Why tooth loss can feel like grief
Here's something that might surprise you: the emotional impact of tooth loss is well-documented, and it hits harder and lasts longer than most people expect.i ii A study published in the British Dental Journal found that 45% of people struggle to come to terms with losing their teeth – even when they're managing perfectly well with dentures day to day. Forty-five percent. That's nearly half of us.iii Our teeth are essential to so much we enjoy in our lives – socialising, eating, smiling, expressing joy. And then, as if you need reminding, there's your tongue – the world's most persistent investigator. It will find that gap a hundred times a day, each time delivering a fresh reminder of what's no longer there. There is also a direct association between number of remaining teeth and stress levels and depressive symptoms.iv Why is this so? Teeth are so, well, in your face (pardon the pun). Every time you look in the mirror or take a selfie – there they are - upfront and definitely personal. You can’t help but associate them with being youthful. Like it or not, society equates youthfulness with toothfulness.
The five stages of tooth loss grief
You may recognise our heading as a nod to the Kübler-Ross model of grief; the same framework often used to understand how we process any significant loss. Humans are wired to grieve all kinds of loss, and obsessed as we are by the image we present to the world, loss of our teeth is a big one. But our appearance is not the only one.
Teeth are not just for chewing. They're right there in the front row for every meal you've shared with people you love, every photo you've smiled in, every laugh you've let loose without thinking. Losing them doesn't just change how you eat. It changes how you move through the world. So, you see losing your teeth has overlapping psychological consequences, causing you to mourn the loss of body image or function, or both. Changes that alter the way you, your family, and others perceive you. And because we sustain ourselves by eating, teeth are implicit in maintaining social/cultural connections. Their loss creates a flow-on effect in the way we live our lives, challenging us to make major adjustments to the activities and roles we carry out – all the things that make us who we are.v When you’re grieving, it can seem overwhelming. But the important thing to remember is grief has an ending. Let's walk through it together.
Stage 1: Denial
Denial helps individuals cope with fear, anxiety, or the sense they have lost control when facing disturbing facts or scary health issues. Kind of like the small child who hides behind their hands figuring if they can’t see the scary monster, it can’t see them. The fear of dental work may centre on your budget because of high costs, lack of health insurance, or having to take time off work. Perhaps medical professionals or dental procedures make you anxious, especially if it involves needles and blood. Or you simply don’t see the need for medical intervention, hoping the situation won’t get worse or that you can manage it on your own. vi
If you find yourself stuck in the ‘deniers’ camp, consider talking through the challenges of managing your grief with a counsellor or trusted friend. They can reassure you that your feelings of loss, and its physical and emotional consequences, are quite normal and not permanent. vii
Stage 2: Anger
This is where all the sins of your dental past come home to roost and it’s not pretty. You chew yourself out for the times you were too busy to floss or look after your teeth. You know you spent money on things you should have spent on dental care. You don’t want to be told ‘I told you so’. You’re doing a fine job of that yourself and it’s literally a kick in the teeth. Or maybe you did everything right and still ended up here – the failed root canal, the accident, the illness that took your teeth despite your best efforts. That anger is valid too. Sometimes life is just spectacularly unfair.
Stage 3: Bargaining
This stage involves the dreaded ‘if onlys’ – ‘if only I had known what I know now. If only I had taken better care of my teeth’ - are expressions of deep regret and guilt. You feel judged for making poor decisions. In desperation, you try everything – anything to reverse, to minimise, or compensate for damage already done. Sleepless with worry finds you frantically Googling. 'Can oil pulling reverse tooth decay?' 'Are there cheaper dentists in Thailand?' 'What if I just... don't go?' Bargaining looks for any exit ramp from the inevitable.
Stage 4: The slump
This stage finds you facing the reality of your situation and in your sadness even catastrophising it. Perhaps your tooth loss emphasises the march of time, the fact of getting older. You may find yourself replaying decisions, wondering what you could have done differently. When this sadness coincides with adjusting to new dentures, the two experiences can amplify each other. Everything feels harder at once, intensifying the feelings of loss. Meanwhile, life seems to go on without you. You avoid social functions. You skip your favourite meals. You find excuses not to be in group photos because the person smiling back doesn't quite look like you.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Believe me, you will emerge from the slump. As you heal and learn to navigate the changes tooth loss has brought, you will see the upside. You may have lost teeth and replaced them with something that felt foreign at first, but life as you know it isn't over. Just different. And different, it turns out, can be okay. In some cases, tooth loss may even be a blessing in disguise – no more pain, a better-looking smile, a growing ability to eat what you want again.
Dentures as a hero, not the consolation prize
Tooth loss is not always avoidable. Accidents and illness happen. But even tooth loss from neglect is not the end of a good life. Modern dentures, whether removable or implants, look just like natural teeth, sometimes even better. They give youthful volume to your lips and cheeks, restore your smile, your confidence and your ability to enjoy the foods you love. Just imagine laughing without covering your mouth. Smiling in photos without thinking about it. Eating almost whatever you want without planning around it. Losing teeth and getting dentures is a journey, not a quick fix. It's a journey worth taking and when you finally arrive, you may find the person looking back at you in the mirror is someone you’re proud to recognise.
References
i Davis DM, Fiske J, Scott B, Radford DR. The emotional effects of tooth loss: a preliminary quantitative study. Br Dent J. 2000 May 13;188(9):503-6. doi: 10.1038/sj.bdj.4800522. PMID: 10859849.
ii Okoje VN, Dosumu OO, Alonge TO, Onyeaso C. Tooth loss: are the patients prepared? Niger J Clin Pract. 2012 Apr-Jun;15(2):172-5. doi: 10.4103/1119-3077.97305. PMID: 22718167.
iii Freeman, R. A study of the emotional reaction to tooth loss. Br Dent J 188, 497 (2000). https://doi.org/10.1038/sj.bdj.4800519
iv Okoje VN, Dosumu OO, Alonge TO, Onyeaso C. Tooth loss: are the patients prepared? Niger J Clin Pract. 2012 Apr-Jun;15(2):172-5. doi: 10.4103/1119-3077.97305. PMID: 22718167.
v Maguire P, Parkes CM. Surgery and loss of body parts. BMJ. 1998 Apr 4;316(7137):1086-8. doi: 10.1136/bmj.316.7137.1086. PMID: 9552917; PMCID: PMC1112908.
vi Taber JM, Leyva B, Persoskie A. Why do people avoid medical care? A qualitative study using national data. J Gen Intern Med. 2015 Mar;30(3):290-7. doi: 10.1007/s11606-014-3089-1. Epub 2014 Nov 12. PMID: 25387439; PMCID: PMC4351276.
vii Maguire P, Parkes CM. Surgery and loss of body parts. BMJ. 1998 Apr 4;316(7137):1086-8. doi: 10.1136/bmj.316.7137.1086. PMID: 9552917; PMCID: PMC1112908.
About Northern Rivers Denture Clinic
Northern Rivers Denture Clinic is a specialist denture practice based in Tweed Heads, NSW. Our team of qualified dental prosthetists has decades of combined clinical experience helping patients navigate their options for missing or failing teeth. We believe good decisions start with good information, and we're happy to talk through your situation with no pressure and no obligation. If you'd like an honest, personalised assessment, we offer a free consultation to get you started.
Disclaimer – Always consult your oral health professional for expert advice about your unique personal situation. The information given here is of a general nature and for the purpose of education only. It is not meant to replace the advice of your oral health professional.
